and miles to go before i sleep

[fawnheart ❤]

each new chapter of our lives requests an old part of us to fall and a new part of us to rise.

TAGS: Stormwhisper

WORD COUNT:  
520

SPEECH HEX:
#94bdeb

NOTES:
setting this for the day after the gathering!

Fawnheart usually preferred the open moors, but now she wished only for the comfort she was sure was brought by the dens of Thunderclanners. Yesterday had been brutal, and the deputy wished now to dig herself beneath the ground and make her home there. The news that her sister, Nettlemask, was pregnant had been surprising and exciting, but the joy was snuffed out as quickly as it had been lit, when her sister left with the Gathering with Riverclan.

She wasn't sure if this was news she was ready to share with Nightstar, or if her leader already knew of it. But she was deputy now, and she new that it was not a secret she could hold from him, at least forever. Forever seemed awhile away yet, and she was taking the day to mourn the loss of her sister, the loss of knowing her nieces or nephews and seeing them grow into talented warriors of Windclan, of all the future moments that seemed to be robbed from her. 

The deputy hailed from a long line of Windclanners, further back than when Windclan had even settled on these lands. This territory was in her blood, it was her home, it was as much hers as it was her sister's and yet Nettlemask had cast it all aside for the sake of a tom. Part of the mottled molly was enraged by this, that her sister had forsaken all sense of respectability and duty, that her sister had pledged honor to a Riverclanner rather than to uphold the legacy that had been passed from generation to generation. 

Her sister had always smelled of wildflowers, and something rooted deep inside her recoiled at the thought that the next time she saw Nettlemask would not be this afternoon for a hunt but at the next Gathering, or worse yet, not until the first Gathering her children would attend as apprentices. Much time would pass between now and then, and whenever it would come to pass, her sister's scent of lilac and rosemary would instead be of murky water and fish.

Curled tightly into a ball, she ducked her head beneath her paws and silently wept. Her sister's fate was unknown, if she would be safe and well sought after in her pregnancy and after. The deputy felt she could nearly vomit at the thought that her sister might suffer some casualty during the birth and that she may never know until it was news delivered to her at a Gathering by a Riverclanner who would never know the depths of her loss.

Fawnheart was good at being alone. Her parents had brought so many kits into the world that she'd learned how to enjoy her own company when her siblings were busy or spending time together without her. But- she still felt safe, knowing even in being alone, she still had her family. Now, however, she felt more alone than she ever had been. Nettlemask had forsaken their family, disregarded how this would impact her as deputy, had chosen another clan over their own. Truly, the first cut is always the deepest.

MADE BY MIZO

[Stormwhisper]

Stormwhisper fawnheart ❤

Something felt wrong, Stormwhisper couldn’t figure out what just yet, but there was a disturbance weighing in Fawnheart since the gathering, when she had parted from him at the start of the gathering. He saw no reason to keep a close eye on her, she was capable and didn’t need it. But now he wished he would have, perhaps than he would have caught sight of what went wrong, and why she seemed to leave the gathering with a pained expression, spending an entire walk back to the camp without giving a single teasing remark in Stormwhisper’s direction, at first he had amused the molly was exhausted and worn out from the gathering, choosing to leave her to it within the night and allow her some space.

But the following day only proved him wrong further, around the evening, was when Fawnheart would usually try to find some way to bother Stormwhisper for the day, either pulling him into a hunting trip or a patrol. A company he never thought he’d miss until it was absent, and for the first time in a while, Stormwhisper had begun to worry about another cat. He sent himself off moments ago in search of windclan’s deputy, steps were slightly quickened among the camp. Ignoring the strange looks he received from his fellow clanmates, the majority of retiring for the evening as he brushed past them, grunting with each push against his body.

A quiet cry caught his attention, head turning toward the sound of it. Seeing a familiar mottled coat hidden away in a far-off corner within the camp, Stormwhisper finally noticed the rapid pounding of his heart once it settled at the sight of Fawnheart. She was crying. The tom’s usual hardened expression grew soft, eyes full of concern for the molly, he took a slow approach toward her, glancing around him to make sure nobody else was nearby, not wanting to cause attention to a deputy in silent distress. He kept himself distance, unsure if she’d even want his comfort, suddenly doubting his ability to actually be there for her if she even wanted him to. But he’d feel more guilt just leaving her to cry, “Fawnheart?” He’d whisper out softly, head lowering below his shoulders to meet her eyes.

OWL

[fawnheart ❤]

each new chapter of our lives requests an old part of us to fall and a new part of us to rise.

TAGS: Stormwhisper

WORD COUNT:  
434

SPEECH HEX:
#94bdeb

NOTES:
oop

With her head tucked beneath her arms, the sound of her name caused her ears to perk up at the sound of it. It took a full moment for her to place the tone to that of Stormwhisper's, uncharacteristically tender. She snuffed into one of her arms and quickly blinked away whatever tears had formed in the ducts of her eyes, before slowly pulling her head up to look at him. 

The maine-coon man was crouched to meet her eyes, and as she met his pear-colored eyes with her own azure ones, it took every bit of energy to muster some kind of expression that was anything but the despair she felt.

"S-tormwhisper," she croaked out, clearing her throat. Her glance flicked around with clear nervousness, searching to see if anyone else could tell she hadn't been merely sleeping. But once she saw the last of her clanmates slip away into the dark to sleep rather than stare at her through the full moonlight, she was able to relax a bit. Still though, she felt too awkward to look up and meet his eyes. She'd come to begin understanding how she felt for the tom was different than how she felt for other clanmates, and to have him see her in such a state made her feel vulnerable. "I- I'm sorry. I've missed our..." She trailed off, in thought as she sniffled, not quite sure what to call their evening outings; they were more than just patrols and hunts now, they felt more special, more important, more intimate. "I'll make it up to you... tomorrow."

Unfurling and trying to regain her composure, her legs quaked beneath her as she stumbled to stand. "I don't believe it is very... deputy-like. To have been caught at a... moment of weakness." she stated, finally tilting her head to meet his eyes. Doing so sent a shiver down her spine as she slowly digested this rare moment of having been caught in this way. She felt a sudden and needed urge to wish him closer, to envelop her entirely in the forest of his coat, and hear him whisper affirmations that everything would be okay, that the loss of her sister wasn't the end all be all. That, most importantly, whatever the backlash that lay in wait for her once the news spread that it was her sister that had fled for the companionship of a Riverclan tom, Stormwhisper would not forsake her or cast her aside. That whatever was growing between them would not break beneath the weight of words and looks from their leader and clanmates.

MADE BY MIZO

[Stormwhisper]

Stormwhisper fawnheart ❤

Stormwhisper felt his stomach twisting into knots when Fawnheart looked up at him from her paws, nervous glances being sent around them in uncertainty, causing the large tom to turn his head over his shoulder and release a glare into the shadows, a warning to any warrior whom may have grown too curious. Before his attention return to the mottled molly, her croaked voice calling to him only seemed to further the sickening feeling in his stomach. He was no fool. She was hurt, something had happened during the gathering, a fear he had never hoped would be true, but why was it a fear in the first place? Fawnheart could take care of herself, he’s seen her both as a deputy and a warrior, she was far from a pushover, the way she spoke and directed those around her is what sparked the moment of interest for the tom. So why did he have such a sudden need to protect her?

When she began to spill apologies from her tongue, promising to make it up to him. That strange familiar feeling crushing his heart once more, he wasn’t sure what he was doing once Fawnheart began to stand up. Mind and body worked together against his will to close the distance between them, large body brushing against her to keep the deputy on her paws. “You have nothing to make up for.” He’d whisper softly, for a moment he swore his own body was trembling, leaf-fall was barely cold enough for him to shiver. He had the pounds of fur to prove it, so why did he tremble? He dared to look at Fawnheart again, eyes meeting hers once more, breath shuttering.

“I guess it’s a good thing, I’m your friend then.” He’d say in response to her words, he stopped seeing her just a deputy near the end of green-leaf. He remembers seeing her under a tree, green leaves molding into browns and reds, the first signs of leaf-fall, he watched as they fell into her fur, a smile across her face, he couldn’t remember what she said, all he could see was her. That’s when Stormwhisper realized she was something more, something else to him. He didn’t move away from her, pressing his body as close as he could against hers, “Lay your weakness onto me, I can carry it.” It was a simple request, but one he meant with the entirety of his heart.

Let me in. He found himself pleading silently, hoping she could somehow hear it within the thick skull he had.

OWL

[fawnheart ❤]

each new chapter of our lives requests an old part of us to fall and a new part of us to rise.

TAGS: Stormwhisper

WORD COUNT:  
971

SPEECH HEX:
#94bdeb

NOTES:
F E E L I N G S

As if Starclan had heard her silent prayer, before she had time to compose herself, he was there to help her stand. Cerulean lenses looked up at him, lashes batting away the brimming tears. Her lips parted to thank him for keeping her from tumbling, but the sharp inhale she took to speak only stuck in her throat, filled by the woodsy scent of evergreen in leaf-bare that radiated from the tom's coat. Only when he spoke to assure her she had nothing to make up for was she able to let the air escape in a hefty sigh.

"You are wrong, Stormwhisper," the words low and full of remorse, "I have much to make up for, and no longer the time to do so." Without giving it any thought, or realizing what she was doing, the weight in her paws shifted and she leaned against the taller warrior's chest, breathing him in and hoping she could disappear within the denseness of his coat.

When he spoke again, it helped to brighten her spirits. If even only by a little, it was enough, and it gave her something to grin about. "Yes," she muttered against his chest, "a very good thing you are my-" the phrase cut short, she thought of the word and its meaning. She was lucky to call many a friend, but the tom who in every way felt so right beside her was not that. There wasn't a word that placed the feeling correctly, that described how the sun shined brighter in his company and the stars seemed to dance in rejoice when they slept close, how every morsel of food they shared tasted juicier, and that no danger seemed to lurk beyond camp with him there to slay any creature that may threaten them. There was no word, Fawnheart felt, that described how any of that was more than what she'd call a friend. But before she could even try, the fear that it may only be one-sided, that to him he was only comforting his deputy, that maybe in his eyes she only was just that, slammed to the front of her mind and all she could think to say was, "my- my friend."

As quickly as she'd spoken, he'd pushed back against her, leaning into her. Heat flushed to her face, and in the passing moments of silence, it felt their hearts were beating in tandem. "Stormwhisper," she breathed quietly, lashes fluttering before they closed, savoring the feeling of being so intertwined with him that perhaps any onlooker would see them as one. Feeling him against her was as if she was soaring close to the sun, and nothing other than Starclan could melt the wax from her wings and keep her from flying close enough to know it was the greatest star to exist in all the world.

The words that broke the silence gripped her heart, and fear stiffened her limbs now, keeping her rooted not only in place but in sickening worry. What would he think of her sister? Of her? Of her place as the Windclan deputy? That the blood of her kin lay across the border and would grow to swim along the murky depths and reek of salt and salmon?

"I- I-" she wanted confess that she couldn't, that trust did not come easy to her, that news of her sister's betrayal would possibly cost her scorn and a bad reputation and to be in her presence was to be seen by all their clanmates as someone who condoned a break of their values and the warrior code. But the words that had been so gentle, so loving, urging her to know and understand the tom's strength to help carry the weight of her burden, forced her to let go of the walls and instead build a bridge.

"I-" love you, is what she wanted to say, true in its feeling for making her feel so safe with him, but instead she gulped it down and tried to best explain what had happened the night prior at the Gathering. "Have lost my sister, Stormwhisper." Taking a deep breath, she continued with flattened ears and sniffling through tears that began to break as she forced herself to continue. "Nettlemask. Before we started home, she told me she is never to return as a Windclan cat. She has pledged her allegiance... to a Riverclan tom, and she has joined them there with Hawkstar's approval." She paused only briefly as her eyes grew to saucers, still shocked by the truth of the words to come, "She is going to have his kits, Stormwhisper. And they will be Riverclan kits. My kin will only know me from afar, and the day will come where our clans will meet as foes. Only Starclan will have mercy before and when that day comes." 

The mottled molly pulled away from him, only enough to meet his eyes and hope he would not turn from her entirely. "Please do not think less of her, or of me. My heart is here with Windclan," nervously she looked to her paws as her voice lowered to a whisper, "and with you, Stormwhisper; it belongs to you. I cannot bear to lose you, but the shame of this betrayal will cause others to think differently of me, that my family is not fit to have a deputy in its ranks. If you are of the same mind, know..... know that I forgive you. You may be able to carry it, but- but I will not force you to. If... if that is not what you wish."

The confession felt sinful to have even admitted. It had been spoken aloud, and that gave it merit, and consequences. The latter of which the deputy was uncertain she was prepared to brace.

MADE BY MIZO

[Stormwhisper]

Stormwhisper fawnheart ❤

She held the weight of windclan upon her shoulders, he only wished to lighten it. Show her that life didn’t have to be so hard alone, just as she showed him without realizing the impact she held on him. Stormwhisper began to open up again, engaging with his clanmates more, training Rosepaw with a more open mind and keeping the thoughts of anger and vengeance at bay. The days that were spent watching with a sense of resentment, unable to calm the fire that licked the pits of his stomach everyday, turned into days full of sunshine and laughter, deep blues burning into his memory each time he tried to return to the some hateful thoughts. She changed him. So whatever she would bring forward to him, whatever spilled from her tongue, he’d hold on to it and carry it until the ends of his days.

He watched as she pressed further into his body, and Stormwhisper wished he could engulf her into his chest, keep her safe from the worries that plagued her mind, and glare at anybody who dared to disturb her during the weakest hour of her mind. He could never figure out when the admiration for his deputy turned into the need to protect and keep her from harm, but it had and now Stormwhisper had silent oaths in his mind, swearing to Starclan if they ever took her from him he’d burn the stars and make sure every ancestor above knew of his grief. She spoke again, hesitation in her words as she referred to him as her friend, that’s all it was. Wasn’t it?

So why did his heart feel so full around her, every moment spent with soft words and teasing gestures. Stormwhisper has had friends before, although very few, none like Fawnheart. None made him want to push to be a better warrior, even his first apprentice, Willowbrook, although she had seen parts of him that had never been shown to another, not once did Stormwhisper believe himself the ability to be a better man. Perhaps Fawnheart was something more, something else to him, but he had yet to find the words that would fit into the emotions he had felt, and maybe it was better if he never did. For fear of losing the only cat who forced him to think differently about his actions.

He waited for her to speak again, allowing the weight of his words to sink into her. More hesitation with her words, yet Stormwhisper did not question, remaining silent as she gathered her thoughts. Then came forward the broken news, he listened as she spoke of her sister, the ache and pain in her voice obvious to him. He remained silent as ever once more, allowing the deputy to pour her heart out, Stormwhisper wasn’t close to his own sister. The two of them were more enemies than littermates, so he could never understand the pain of having one leave for the sake of love. Fawnheart’s heart was suffering and Stormwhisper wasn’t sure how to fix it, a deep guilt settled in his chest as she begged Stormwhisper to not think of her sister differently or her. But he could never, nothing that Fawnheart had said caused him to want to pull away from her warmth, despite the guilt of not understanding and the hopeless feeling of not knowing what to say, he kept his paws firm against the ground beneath them.

But then a quiet confession echoed into his ears, and with you. With you. With you. The words repeated themselves over and over again in Stormwhisper’s mind, singing like a lullaby, the familiar warmth filling his heart. So this is what it was? He had begun to recall the last moons with her, how he looked over his shoulder for her every time they went on their patrols. Gaze desperate to meet with those eyes had grown to adore, nights spent restless in his nest unless she was nearby. Stormwhisper had fallen in love with windclan’s deputy, no, Fawnheart. Just as she was. “Fawnheart.” He spoke softly, afraid if he raised his voice any higher it may break with the words he wanted to speak.

“I could never think different of you.” He reassured, head hesitantly placing itself upon her neck, pulling her further into his chest. “You have proven to me that I’m beyond my anger. I never thought once I was a being capable of love and compassion, I was ruined by the things around me. But you…I suppose you proved me wrong there as well.” His words were spoken in a gentle whisper, only for her to hear. “You are my heart.”

OWL