Can We Just Pretend? {Tagged}[TW: Homophobia]

[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

Night had fallen not too long ago, ancestors scattered across the darkened sky, lighting it and giving a sense of peace and quiet. Chiapaw hadn’t been able to sleep, laying in his nest at the den’s wall with a frustrated expression, twisting and turning every once in awhile to hopefully gain a comfortable position among his siblings, tension had built up in his body the last few days. His interaction with Rosepaw far from comfortable and left him feeling a bit confused and dazed, why did she suddenly decide to latch onto him? Couldn’t she just leave him alone? When he felt the kick of Kiwipaw’s leg against his stomach, that seemed to be the final straw for his attempts at sleeping, shifting to sit up with a huff and glare down at his littermate. He debated biting the other tom in the butt for kicking him, yet when he saw the peaceful look on his expression as he slumbered. Chiapaw decided perhaps it was best to leave his anxious brother to sleep, getting up from the tightly knitted nest, and making his way toward the exit of the den.

But his gaze had fallen upon one more body before he left, a large fluff of white and black, for a moment his entire posture seemed to relax, a rare smile gracing his features. His eyes darted around to see if any other apprentices were awake, before approaching Wolfpaw with slow and careful steps, once he was close enough. He’d tap the larger tom with a smirk, attempting to get him to wake up, “Hey, Wolfpaw. Wake up you idiot.” He’d tease softly, voice lowered into a whisper, attempting to hold his laughter between his words. If he wanted to successful sneak out with his friend, he had to be quiet.

OWL

[Wolfpaw]

Nothin' to meddle with,
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant?
That depends how you measure it

❧

    Things had been.... strange recently. His sister had latched herself onto Chiapaw, and Littlepaw had been arranged into a courtship with Kiwipaw. It felt like they were too young for such things, as much as he enjoyed teasing his sisters. That, and when he saw Rosepaw trying to snuggle up to his friend, he felt the strange urge to swat her. In fact, his stomach twisted with a feeling he couldn't quite identify whenever he saw the pair so much as sitting near each other.

    That, compounded with the odd dreams he'd been having... well. Wolfpaw was certainly getting frazzled. At that moment, he'd been having one such dream of himself and Chiapaw snuggled up, exchanging teasing words and sweet ones. Saying things he should never say to a tom. A tap on his shoulder quickly roused him from the bizarre dream, and his golden eyes snapped open, only to see none other than Chiapaw. His ears suddenly felt very hot.

    "What do you want?" he hissed lowly as his eyes scanned the den full of sleeping apprentices, "Why don't you go bug Rosepaw?"

    Guilt ate at him instantly. Why did he say things like that? Whenever Chiapaw made him feel flustered his instinct was to snap and say something harsh or even cruel. And he really didn't want Chiapaw to go - especially not with his sister.

word count ● Chiapaw ● notes

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[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

When Wolfpaw began to stir in his sleep, slowly waking up, Chiapaw smirked, only for it fall when the other seemed to snap at him. Brow raising up, he scoffed lightly, “Oh please, she’s annoying and stupid. I'd be surprised if any tom your parents set her up with could tolerate her for long.” He could feel the start of his irritation bubbling up at the mere thought of Rosepaw, she wasn’t his type. But not exactly in the way most would amuse, his growing feelings for Wolfpaw had been obvious to him, the way he paid no mind to any mollies and seemed to fixate on the idea of spending his life with Wolfpaw. It seemed the young tom had a thing for other toms, but of course, he could never tell anybody about this. His parents would have a freak, stars he’d never hear the end of it from Tigerflame, the last thing he wanted was to cause more issues for his family.

He gently smacked his paw against Wolfpaw’s head, chuckling softly, “I enjoy your company way more anyways, come on. Let’s sneak out, and go look at the silver pelt. I hear the ancestors are pretty bright this time around.” He’d smile gently at Wolfpaw, before turning around and bouncing out of the apprentice den, stopping near the entrance and waiting for his friend. If only he could know how he felt.

OWL

[Wolfpaw]

Nothin' to meddle with,
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant?
That depends how you measure it

❧

    "Don't talk about her like that," He growled quietly, "She's still my sister, man - don't make me pummel you."

    Despite his words, the silver and black tom quietly pulled himself to his paws, scanning the den for any other open eyes. It had been too long since he'd done something he wasn't supposed to. He tiptoed past the dark Bengal toward the entrance of the den and flicked his tail in beckoning.

    "I am way more interesting though," He grumbled, tossing a smirk toward Chiapaw, "let's go! Pretty sure Maplestorm's on guard tonight and he'll'a nodded off by now."

word count ● Chiapaw ● notes

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[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

He rolled his eyes slightly at Wolfpaw, giving out a light huff before he spoke again[,b],“I’d like to see you try.”

[/b] he snickered softly, before catching up with the larger tom the best he could. He felt happier when around Wolfpaw, more himself than with anybody else in his life currently, Chiapaw often worried how the future would be, so many things depended on him as his family’s golden child. He doubted the other would ever judge him, which brought him a sense of comfort and safety within his friend.

But he could only wish for so much. “You certainly are more interesting, and more fun anyways. But let’s not talk about stupid girls tonight, we can do whatever we want.” He’d say, bumping his head against Wolfpaw’s shoulder playful. “Just wait, when the two of us are warriors, we’ll be the best ones Windclan has ever seen. Just you and me.” It was a future he could deal with, one he wouldn’t mind having as long as Wolfpaw was still there in some way. [/div]
[/div]

OWL

[/div]

[Wolfpaw]

Nothin' to meddle with,
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant?
That depends how you measure it

❧

    The tabby blinked awkwardly at the affectionate gesture. It simultaneously made him crave more and made his skin crawl. He didn't like it. He shouldn't like it. He shuffled away slightly before leading the way out of the camp. He knew better than to complain while they were still in danger of getting caught.

    Once his paws hit the open moor Wolfpaw gave Chiapaw a rough shove and mewed, "Race you to the top of the hill!"

    With that he bound off, charging to the top with as much speed as he could manage. The wind would clear his thoughts. Make it easier. Wipe the warm feeling against his shoulder away. Chase the vestiges oh his dream - no, his nightmare - from his mind.

word count ● Chiapaw ● notes

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[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

He was quick to react to Wolfpaw’s challenge, paws hitting against the ground with a snicker, looking behind at Wolfpaw as he raced toward the top. Moments like these felt freeing, he didn’t have to think about his legacy or his family with Wolfpaw, everything in the world felt right with him. It was both terrifying and comforting all at the same time, it was a dream that would never come true, for his fate was sealed much before his birth.

It seemed he was distracted as they raced to the top, mind flowing with thoughts of Wolfpaw and the dream he desperately wanted to come true, he hadn’t noticed the larger tom passing by him until he saw the mess of grey and silver at the top of the hill as he approached it. Huffing in frustration when he finally reached it, taking a moment to catch his breath before laughing again. “Looks like you won. I’ll get you next time though, just you wait.” He’d say with confidence in his tone, sitting down on the grass and curling his tail around his front paws. Eyes turned toward the stars above, letting out a sigh of relief, silence overtook him for a moment as he examined the silver pelt, watching the stars twinkle in the distance. Chiapaw often questioned his belief in Starclan, especially when with Shrikecloud, but sometimes...looking at them brought him comfort. That maybe, just maybe they had a happy future planned for him, and just maybe he could be the warrior and tom he wished so desperately he could be. “I sometimes wish I could talk to Starclan like a medicine cat without being one. Just so I can ask them about things and actually get an answer, ya know?” He broke the silence, throwing the first thought that came to mind toward Wolfpaw, head-turning toward him with a smile.

OWL

[Wolfpaw]

Nothin' to meddle with,
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant?
That depends how you measure it

❧

   "Oh please, a hundred races and I'll beat you every single time," The tom laughed warmly, lightly pushing Chiapaw's shoulder. Wolfpaw was pretty average at a lot of things, if he was honest with himself, but he was pretty certain he was the fastest apprentice on the moor. But still, he'd happily race Chiapaw anytime. When they were competing it was easy to focus on his goal of victory and less on the other tom's lovely green eyes.

    The silence as the pair looked up into the starry sky was comfortable - perhaps even enjoyable. He wasn't sure when he started leaning toward the other tom, only that at some point his longer fur brushed against Chiapaw's shorter. It was almost electric - and he jolted himself away, not daring to look at the other's face.

    "Feelin' real deep tonight, huh man? That almost sounds like Birchberry or somethin'," He jokingly teased as he glanced back toward the ancestors in the sky, "But nah... I get scolded enough by all the warriors, without the dead ones breathing down my neck too. What'cha wanna ask 'em anyway?"

word count ● Chiapaw ● notes

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[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

He felt a bit embarrassed by his words suddenly when Wolfpaw spoke, covering it up with a chuckle and a shrug of his shoulders. He supposed Wolfpaw was right, it would be alot to have dead cats whispering and judging his every move, he was sure they already did but to hear them do it? Maybe he was better off leaving the medicine cats to prophecies and dead cats talk. But curioisty still stood either way, a light hum coming from Chiapaw as he thought about Wolfpaw’s question. He had alot of questions he’d ask starclan, alot of them were things he’d never ask anybody else, expect for maybe Shrikecloud, but otherwise the rest were questions that seemed like any other question a warrior would want to ask their ancestors.

“I’d ask them…if there was ever a real chance for me to choose my own happiness.” His voice was softer, holding a tone of melancholy along with his words, before letting out another awkward chuckle joined by another shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t know that’s probably stupid and lame. I just wish I could do things on my own without considering the happiness of others first. Or maybe that’s just selfish of me, I’m sorry.” The more he seemed to ramble, the more nervous he got, finally shutting himself up and clearing his throat.

OWL

[Wolfpaw]

Nothin' to meddle with,
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant?
That depends how you measure it

❧

   There was something in his response that made Wolfpaw feel profoundly sad. His own family was of a lesser bloodline - Littlepaw's betrothal likely would never had occurred if she and Kiwipaw weren't such an obvious pair. Most likely, unless they advocated for themselves amongst the major families, he and Rosepaw would be free to choose their own mates - given they were among the acceptable group. Chiapaw, on the other paw, would have no such luck. The fact of the matter was, his future would be decided by his mother and grandmother. 

    "Jeeze... I dunno if it's selfish or nothin'," He replied awkwardly. Usually he avoided these conversations, he might've even teased his friend a bit if he hadn't already seemed so perturbed, "But I bet you could find a little bit a' happiness in whatever the future holds. We'll still be friends, right? Besides - even if your grandma is gunna make you have kits with some molly you don't like, that's in the future! For now, why don't you do what makes you happy?"

    Maybe that was wrong. Wolfpaw didn't doubt there was more to what Chiapaw was going through then worrying about who his family expected him to have kits with - he just couldn't quite grasp what the tom was going through right now.

word count ● Chiapaw ● notes

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[Chiapaw]

Chiapaw Wolfpaw

He listened to Wolfpaw as he spoke, taking notice of the awkward reply, for a moment he began to regret his answer. Deciding maybe it would have been better if he kept quiet or answered with a more light hearted one, but as Wolfpaw spoke again, giving a more optimistic outlook on it all. Chiapaw felt his heart skip a beat, his face felt warm joined by a slight tinkle in his stomach he worried he might reveal what was left of his dinner. But he gathered himself, giving the other tom a hopeful shrug, “I guess you’re right, I think seeing Kiwipaw and Littlepaw get paired up made me a bit worried I’d be next.” He chuckled nervously, he knew Tigerflame has been eying him and Rosepaw the last few weeks, and he’s even seen her speak with Rosepaw. It worried him, but he wasn’t going to tell Wolfpaw that right now, he wasn’t here to dump his problems and force his only friend to carry the burden of his destiny. Only he could do that.

Chiapaw moved a bit closer to Wolfpaw, gently bumping his head against the other’s shoulder in an attempt to seek comfort, not wishing to verbalize his issues any longer, but still wanting to know if he if still cared enough to remain here with him. He hated not being able to tell him how he felt, too terrified of what the words would bring if he did, he was scared Wolfpaw wouldn’t feel the same and found him disgusting, tell his entire family of what was said and risk being seen as an outcast to his own family. On the other hand, Wolfpaw could feel the same, and he almost found that more frightening than if he didn’t. “I think I like somebody.” He couldn’t stop himself from blurting it out, pulling away from Wolfpaw as soon as the words came out, regretting the decision.

OWL